Saturday, March 01, 2003

/some poems in my journal

Nicole's Poem

They say beauty is in
The eye of the beholder
I agree, for I see beauty
In my eyes when I behold you
And nothing but pure joy
Runs through my mind when I hold you.
Have I told you, how much I love you?
Each day, if I said it after every breath
Every step and every word
I'd still forget to express
All the love I feel in return
When you say to me
That you love me
And my smile stays burned
On a face in front of your face
Close enough to share the space
A place for the two of us
Gazing into each other's eyes
And to your surprise, I lay a kiss
On your sweet and hungry lips
I look up to get a look at you
We meet in eyes, and they miss
One less moment with you.


I smile for the short while
And glance at an empty space
The space I face shifts
And I drift, to another place
Can I have a taste, of happiness
Though it quickly turns
To a yearn that burns inside
And glides together as liquids
Slide together like little kids
Hold hands in flight, seeing sights
Of swirling skies in shimmering lights
Words become waves, echoing patterns
Like graves, the walls and floors lie scattered
Souls battered and weak, shreik my name
Dragged to shame, I could throw myself away
For I am worthless, yet happy that way
I would smile if I died today.
Missing the trees wither away
Finding that truth lies in grey
Something desperately I tried to hide
Keep it away, although I need
That content that killed life.

Second Collision

I'm sick of life, let's collide
Our worlds as one, will join under
Sunder and fire, will merge our desire
As our worldy trifles crumble
And all the rocks, and socks in drawers
And bolts with nuts and clocks and floors.
And everything that is, and has been
Will come forth back, and back and forth attack
Faced and for impact braced
Crack and break, as time and space
Prepares for the forthcomming collision
Gathering the Universe with precision
Placing itself in better barrings
For when the planes shift together
The cosmos will align searing
Over the lights of supernovas
(Now commonplace, bright in the sky)
They lie in the skyline to shine clearer
For the heavens are carried only nearer
By the increase in our gravity
We'll touch the face of God together
Smashing Earth into a cavity.


Stop staring at me with that big face!
You're scarring me, staring in space
With that gaze, you rearrange
The size and shape of this room
Becomes twisted to you, like a balloon
It drifts nearer, and pops in my face
Staring at me with your eyes out of place
Tucked closed under lids and tight in holes
You still carve holes in the back of my head
You still want me dead; well I'll fool you
You'll find me lying in my drowning pool
Head down, face smiling down at you.

Paranoid Night

I craw under the covers
As they cover my body
Engulf my head and yet
Hotly in dread, I toss and turn
And yearn to stop this insomniac
A former being of myself intact
I fall asleep, to a much needed
Nightmare that was eagerly feeded.
For my dreams are violent
Bashing the side of my head
Spewing blood on a drenched pillow
Like an arrow shot from the bed
And the only reprive is waking
Trembling and shaking furious
Empty and ready for the making
Of a troubled mind delerious.

Love Far Away

Oh, how I miss you
Can I kiss you, in my dreams?
And if so, can I drift away to sleep?
I've been away for far too long
Haven't seen you in a while
Oh, what I wouldn't give
To have my lips greet your smile.
And while I keep passing endless days
You endlessly ease a troubled mind.
And although I've searched, I've yet to find
Something to prevent you, from your place as mine
You'll stay in my heart forever
(A permanent residence you'll occupy each night)
And as you go to sleep
May the throbbing of its beat
Steady your love for all my life

High School

I walk down the halls, trying not to focus
At the bathroom stalls, writings on the wall
Hookups, breakups, homework assigned
Assignments alligned for maximum suffering
More work, less talk, real world buffering
Make ups and breakups, relationships
Shakes up the lonely, if only they could see
A world that isn't sex, drugs, popularity
A world of clarity, without bullshit work
Without jerks, without superficial girls
Giggling about nothing, rushing their life
To be 16, 18, then soon a wife
Unhappily married to the ex-quarterback
Football star, a badass, hooked on smack
Treats his wife like crap, beats his kids
Oh how it hits, suburbia blue collar familes
In angst and tragedy, it's sad to see
How many failures live in the shadows
Of the success laid out by the few winners
Night clubs simmer with money and cash
While the poor stand out like a rash
Uneducated and never reevaluated
Wortheless as trash, it'll never stop
The hierachy, the race to the top
It all starts here, in this building
Kids choose their path in life, of success
Amongst drinks and sex, jack off magazines
It seems life as a teen is full of stress
And life ain't what it seems, let it be known
If you follow your heart, work hard and it's shown
You'll live a good life, that's all you need
Forget the bullshit, the cool shit, the weed
Forget the fast times and quick lines
The stress of expectations loses patience
But remember, through the stress
Just try your best, work for success
Keep your chin up, High School'll be over
And soon you'll have bigger problems to shoulder

/i'll write more later

Thursday, February 27, 2003

/just finished TAKS

The TAKS test was pretty easy, but even better, it's DONE! We've had Tuesday and Wednesday off because of the ice on the roads, so tomorrow is Friday, and the last day of school for the week. Also, after this next week, it's Spring Break.


The essay prompt was something like "How do surroundings affect your life?" Some crap like that. I wrote some tangent about two fictitious people; a guy who grew up with the city and was just for material gain, but it ate him inside, and his cousin, a hick who lived in the country who was upset because he felt like an outsider.
Something like that.

I had a bit on an emotional outburst with my mom last night. It I cried a bunch. :-(
I've been really emotional over the snow days, and lookie here, today I went back to school and I am not emotional. I think school just sucks the gut out of me.

I shared some of my writings with Nicole on the phone last night, and she said I should post them up on my Blog, so I shall. They're coming soon. I hope you enjoy them.

Oh yes, I'm going to the Mavericks game today, to watch us KILL Sacramento. Thanks Brett for the ticket!


Tuesday, February 25, 2003

/happiness prevails

Everyone's happy that ice > school, and spirits are up.

- Nicole received the Red Hot Chili Peppers tickets that she bought in the mail today, which are like happiness on paper.
- Nic's making a track he really enjoys, which is audio and kinesthetic happiness.
- My neighborhood friends are running amok in the snow, and probably playing football. But they mostly just hate school

I'm just relaxing, my mom's a bit up my ass and wanting me to do scouts stuff, so I'm not completely happy, but life is good.

Eggo Waffles are not bad, and easy to make. Someday I will be bold and have chicken with it, but not today.

No, today I'll just sit around and wait for my mom to bitch at me.


Monday, February 24, 2003


...and the TAKS test is rescheduled for Wednesday!

psyaddict69: excellent
MGreen312: no school
Cocolle1: im too happy
MGreen312: how badass is tis
MGreen312: all our shit isnt due til thurs.
Dirkfan41: feeling some snow footbal
psyaddict69: no schoooooollllllll tomorrowwwwwww

/on aim celebrating
/hail and stuff

Scouts is cancelled, and my mom was actually going to force me to go! Hallelujah!
* the crowd goes crazy and chairs are being thrown, few injured *

It's hailing and icy outside; colder than a witch's tit, said Ozzy Osbourne one day. It's raining cats and dogs, frozen ones, but they are coming down nonetheless.

The phone has been ringing off the hook today. I just want to unplug it and throw it out the window, shattering the icy ground as the heavy POS cordless receiver is hurled at 30 miles an hour.

Um...what else?

Mom gave me one of her "talks" again today. What the fuck is her deal? She wants me to work harder or something, I have no clue. I say, pipe down and be glad you stay home and not work or go to school! Watch your Opera and enjoy it!

Well, all that aside, I had a great weekend, and the rest of today and tomorrow will be excellent. So rock on.

/trancing out